stuck on a 20 dollar nose bleed....
the thing is im not joking. guess the pressure got to much for her.
cool song to though.
on a lighter topic......
you texted today.
what happened, your little miss perfect have better things to do then talk to her lost puppy?
not that i care. im sure your very important to her self esteem. she keeps you smiling you keep her......
well...... laughing, bc she can play you better then a deck of cards.
i find it all very inspirational..... i just learned how to make a guy drool..... with out having to offer anything, if you catch my drift.
shes good at what she does. but be careful, she might get bored.... your making it way to easy.
hahahahahahahaahahahhahahahahahahahahaha.
who am i kidding.... your the king of giving out to easy, and from what i can see she is definately the queen.
ya'll ar meant for each other.
you never really were one for sentimental intelect.
romance is so overated, right?
chivalry has been replaced by sucking up.
whatever gets some quicker............
typical guy.
every guy is so predictable,
hiding behind the useless cliches that can be googled and spoken in the pathetic attempt to win a heart.
*smiles* i know what im talking about believe me, she might not, but she cant help it, im the better half.
intuition and self defensive stances work hand in hand, add that to imagination and you have a deadly weapon....
a teenage girl who has had her heart broken one to many times that has one hell of a plan for the world.
ooo....scary.
hmph.
go get struck by lightening.... i hear its fun.
shes the one who loves you.... not me.
she is the one who text back.... but i wish she wouldnt have.
its complicated from her side.... if every once and a while she would just breathe and let me talk...
we would have a life...... and a novel.
whos up for boycotting love?

 

I'm not a crybaby
I'm the crybaby
A caterpillar that got stuck
Mr. Moth come quick with any luck
A long walk to a dark ha-ha-house
A roman candle heart keep us far apart
I'm cocktail party doing all right
Hate me baby, maybe I'm a piece of art

Oh my friends all lie and say
They only want the best wishes from me
Oh 3-2-1, we go live

Oh baby you're a classic
Like a little black dress
You're a faded moon
Stuck on a little hot mess (little hot mess)
And oh baby you're a classic
Like a little black dress
But you'll be faded soon
Stuck on a little hot mess (little hot mess)

I can make your heart slow
I can feel the weather in my bones
 

fall out boy is so inspiring...........................................

so the computer keeps being gay and screwing up..... not cool.
im tired. i keep coughing. i want someone to take care of me. :\
today made me really think.... argueing wasnt as fun as it should have been.
but everything really got weird with one little question.....
"do you think i'd hurt you?"
...............
long pause followed by me being nothing but speechless. 
i wanted to believe it all.......
and i tryed to say i did.
but im obviously not a good liar at all.
everything i said was labeled as a lie.
which it was.....
people make promises they cant keep.
and im worried i just fell into another trap..... i dont fully believe it yet.
but im working on it. definately sensing sincerity.
but lets face it  im not the best judge of character am i?
several promises.
but no solid proof.
i just want to be trusting and have a little faith in something.
my stories are the only things that i can really have faith in....
if thats all i have shouldnt i be making the most of my current dilema?
guess so.
im working on it..... believe me its harder then it sounds.
"no. i dont want to think that........ but everyone breaks promises, _ 
especially with me. you sure you want to say that?"
response felt necessary.
i got my answer.
and so did she..................................
haha.
yall are probably like.......
huh????

haha..... you make me smile.
lets pretend like i died even though i think the plans are illegal.
gah. your so damn sweet. :)
wow.
still not the best week.
*smiles* that song put me in a damn good mood. not sure why. its just catchy!
*laughs* lalalalalalalala.
thanx.
i really needed that.
"ill state something rash, she had the most amazing............. smile"
hhahahaha.
yea. it made me laugh to. i feel.... icy inside. like nothings ok, but everythings bearable.
and even though i still want to cry, i cant let go of the tears when im laughing like this.
it not possible.
i havent written. havent been in the mood to. but believe me i had all intentions.
guess i just never got around to. i layed in bed today. laughing and crying.
but not at the same time.
i bet i sat like that for about 2 hours.
i needed it though.
i now have 3 new favorite places to sit and think, although some arent exactly new.
place #1: the park.
place #2: the tree/street in front of the house.
place #3: my bed, looking out of the window beside it.
haha. im working on trying to act like a big girl.
it might not be convincing, and it might hurt like hell......
but it damn sure makes me laugh. even when i have no reason. confusing huh?
oh well.
sweet dreams to you to...... you deserve them more then i do for totally making my day.
*smiles*
scared yet?

you haven't officially said it yet..... but you basically said that if you had to make the decision you'd choose her.
i remember when anna first broke your heart, we were IMing about our issues. i never opened up to people like that before. i always held back from everyone. after i broke down and told you everything you pretty much did the same. i remember when you called me your hero and when we talked about going around the world in 80 days. we talked about lyrics that described a certain un named 'whore'. *smiles* gay stuff like that. i stuck with you pretty much through everything. we went through sarah, taylor, certain un named others. and i told you that no matter what i would always be on your side. my phone was always open if you needed to talk. i actually trusted you. i loved you so much it hurt. you knew EVERYTHING we didnt have secrets. at all. most of the time at least. you promised that you were diffrent and that you wouldnt leave me or hurt me like everyone else does. that was bullshit. i remember being on the phone with you for like 6 hours one night. rambling about the stupidest things. talking to you was like breathing, that simple. i had fun with you, i didnt worry most of the time, and i actually smiled. we were BEST friends. i was hurting when you were, i couldn't function if i went to long with out seeing you, and lots of times its still the same. i meant it when i said i loved you and i still do. im still always gonna be there and im still always gonna worry. none of that is changing. it just hurts to know that your willing to throw away our friendship for someone you have been talking to a week. dont get me wrong..... im happy for you. honestly. your all bubbly and your eyes are always gold now. she makes you smile and keeps you happy. thats what matters. but are you honestly willing to let us go? if you are.... that means... telling me i mattered was a lie, telling me you wouldnt walk away was just a line, and i love you was just a phrase. i never meant much to you did i? i still dont. *sigh* it hurts like hell. i dont want to walk away and i dont want you to either. but until she gives you the ok then were done arent we? mhmm. thats how it works. just so you know... i dont care if i had met the total love of my life and the father of my children...... you would still win if it mattered. no way would i ever lose my bestie over someone who might not be there in the morning. i love you. always have. its sad just now finding out that i meant nothing. if you need me, let me know. when you need to talk, ill always listen. if you just need a bestie, thats always my label. but if you dont need me there..... just say it.
i hope she loves you and never takes you for granted.

i keep writing but nothing will come out on paper like it wants to.
except that one thing. 8]
im proud. for once the phrase left me speechless.... not mad.
he is a definate writer. no doubt. deep.... lost in his own mind.
i know that there are words in there that could change the world.
i just wish he would give himself a chance.
lolz.
im having an interesting conversation with the tree. haha. fruit. wow
yea... dont worry. so so so not my job.
lolz.
dummy.
my phone is screwed up. the keys are being stupid again.
susan says we have limits on the computer so im only aloud on for a couple more min.
blah.
lame. anyways........
my family..... well mom at least. is going to the races. not happy about that one.
to many dreams.... not enough hours to stay awake.
i wish i was an insomniac.
i think thats what its called. then i wouldnt have to worry about the dreams.
oh and tree.....
ill definetly give you details. bc im not sure i could go with out saying SOMETHING.
you make me laugh. ha
loudly.
its so typical her to go and ruin someone like that.
im gonna be left with the aftermath. she so doesnt care like she says she does.
i guess thats not my buisness.
yet in a way it is. and she cant get that.
sorry. im talking in code. this is venting...... kels style.
hahahahaha.
arent you jealous?

he means the world to me.
its not fair. she is taking it all away..... and according to him i better be ready cause she is gonna take the only thing that has ever made since to me....

HIM.

why do i always get stuck like this? between my happiness and life.
how come non of them will let me die? they want me to live.... but at this rate i will lose everything that is worth living for in just a matter of years.
i love my other friends but to be brutally honest he is the ONLY thing i wake up for. I love how he makes me dizzy if i look in his eyes for to long. it drives me crazy that i cant read his face like everyone else..... but at the same time im glad. i dont want to see him go like that. were supposed to die together. that was the plan.
she is taking my lightshow.....
taking the bridge....
taking that river.....
taking the twins.......
and to top it all off....
shes taking him.
its supposed to be like clockwork.
were supposed to be the same.
since we were little we have been THE SAME.
she cant take that.
i want to beg and beg and beg her not to take him......
but begging will do nothing.
i watched the one she loved go up in flames.
and now she wants to watch the only thing that keeps me breathing die for me. bc she knows then.... she wont have to touch me. ill do it all myself.
i want to. i want them all to let me go. let me die please. i want to scream it at the top of my lungs....
im scared of what i will become if i lose him.
he means to much to me just to watch him go.
not like that.
he deserves some kind of glorious death.
dying for me would be almost an insult to his soul.
i mean nothing. i am nothing. i never have been ANYTHING.
......................................
why do you have to care so much?
why cant you let her find me?
.....why cant we be like clocks.....
instantaneous.....
he makes my heart beat.... and skip a beat every so often.
why cant my heart stop when his does?

oh yea.....
bc then..... i would be happy....
impossible.